Journal

I have a marketing exam tomorrow that I havent studied for.  I dont even know what the topic is!  Oh I can easily look it up, but I've found that Im a real natural at mareking.  I never once studied nor read the book and I'm still getting nearly straight A's in that class.

Floriana and I made up after 2 MONTHS of arguing.  I'm gunna tell my mom that we're still in a fight though, 'cause my mom would kill me if she heard we were friends again. .....my mom holds strong grudges.  :-/

So I was sitting on the subway train today, quietly reading the paper - it was flipped open to an article about the homeless on our streets.  And this middle-aged guy walks up to me and yells (yes, YELLED) that its "Those stupid college students who are responsible for poverty!"  I looked up at him and said, "Excuse me?"  He proceeded to yell at me, claiming that college students dont pay back their loans, and its THEIR fault that America is in a financial crisis.  When I tried to respond, he cut me off by going on a rant about how college is pointless.  I told him that people go to college get better jobs but people who don't go to college end up working for low wages.  Then he accused me of being an "arrogant elitist" that "discriminated against everyone who doesn't go to college."  He called me foolish for continuing my education.  He said our founding fathers 300+ years ago never went to college but they became great politicians.  I told him times have changed since the days of horses and buggys and we need more education for modern jobs.  THAT got him pissed off, as if he wasn't angry enough already. By this point, everyone on the train was listening, even people with their ipods on. So then this woman starts yelling at the guy, telling him to stop harassing me, but he just kept on yelling.  She proceeded to take over the argument from there.  Every time I tried to cut in, the guy just cut me off and acted as though my opinion didn't count.  0_0  This went on for five minutes.  I could have had the guy arrested.

I honestly love my job.  Despite that its a large retail store in a heavily populated area, my managers and co-workers make it all worth it.  I honestly believed my managers had every right to be angry with me for requesting two weeks off.  Why didnt they fire me? Why are they still nice to me?  I dont get it, but I realized that I would like to keep working, even after the holidays are over.

So my old friend Al invited me over to watch the football game with the guys tomorrow.  Great! I thought.  But then I realized... one of his best friends, aka "my first love" may be there.  Its been 3 friggin' years and I still get sweaty palms around this guy. Not cause I miss him. I dont. I just get.... uneasy.  I think maybe he still hasnt forgiven me. Even though the last time we talked, he smiled at me and gave me an old kitchen pan that he didnt want anymore. We even joked around!  But was that just him being polite?  Agh. >.<

.....and its not like our breakup was all MY fault, ya know!  HE ignored ME!

I think I might become a hermit this fall.  I will be living completely alone (in a dark basement at that!) and will likely be too busy for friends, and too poor to go out for fun anyway.  Eh. I am a very sociable and cheerful person but I do get into phases where I let the world fade away.  Where I spend alone time for hours on end, and am perfectly content. ....yup, I might become that person again. My best friend is.... well... shes great and I love her but shes difficult to deal with sometimes.  She gets mad at me easily.  Eh.

I have a hard time being open and honest with people about whats REALLY going on in my life.  I mean personal struggles, thoughts Im afraid to say out loud, or God forbid I mention my fears.  Part of me feels like I have to put on a face as if everything is A-ok, even if my world is falling apart.  Last night, I actually spilled some personal issues on a "self-help"  type message board.  Its a place for people to talk about their personal drama and ask for advice.  In an impulse move, I joined and admitted things that have been really bothering me; things that I would only tell my closest friends.  Afterwords I felt so self-conscious that I tried deleting the post, but it wouldnt let me.  And earlier today I made a post on LJ that I deleted cause I was talking about some fears.  Once in my poetry class I wrote a poem about my struggles and my teacher loved it so much that he entered it in a contest. "Its got a lot of passion," he said.  But I felt so embarassed because it wasnt painting a pretty picture of my life.  I felt like I needed to apologize for something.  ....but on that self-help website, someone DID respond to my post, and you know what? It DID help.  I think I just need to learn to be honest and open to people and not be ashamed of any dirt in my life, cause everyone's got that.

.....on an off topic note, someone left me the BEST tip ever today!!!  It wasnt money!  It was a nice bottle of wine, with a note saying how pleasant the service was at the resort.  She also left me Heinekin in the fridge.  That made my day.

So I was reading stuff about hand-washing your clothes in a bathtub.  My apartment that Im moving into at the end of next month doesnt have laundry facilities, and Im always trying to save a buck or two.  According to the Internet, hand-washing clothes in a tub is effective yet hard labor. Eh. Might be stress relieving?

My dad just bought this new keyboard that glows a neon blue.  Its so friggin' awesome, esp. in the dark.

I GOT THE APARTMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Out of over 40 applicants, they picked ME! Can you believe it!?  It'd be my own studio apt, no roommates!  My own bathroom, my own kitchen... omg and they said I could paint and re-decorate!  ....and flo and I are back to being best friends again.  life is good.  :-)

I mean...  honestly this year has been really tough.  Its been an emotional roller-coaster from day 1.  So I really, REALLY appreciate these moments when life just work out so beautifully.

I went to look at an apartment today!

It's a studio apartment in a basement of a couple's home.  The place is small, dark, with no ac and no washer or dryer.  There's no driveway and its in a so-so neighborhood. But honestly I love it.  Its so quaint.  Just big enough for me.  AND it's just a ten minute drive from the inner city!  :-)  HOWEVER, there are four other interested people, so I have a one and five chances of getting it.

I just got off the phone with a potential roommate.  The apartment is just a few miles away from my school, and the rent is reasonable.   The only downfall is that my bedroom would literally be the size of a walk-in closet.  six feet wide only.

EDIT:  ....suddenly Im not feeling so confident.  Whats so great about living in a room the size of a large closet, anyway?  And I found this woman's myspace page.  For a career it says she's a "fire spinner" and she has all these photos of herself in circus-like outfits spinning flaming hula hoops and handling snakes. 0_0  Im starting to freak out about this.

EDIT: .....so flame-thrower snake lady is out of the picture.

Why do weddings have to be so expensive?  The average cost for one is between $14,000- $43,000.  Call me selfish, but I never found a problem with asking the guests to bring their own food for a pot-luck style. For drinks, I'd rather just stop by the grocery store the day before and stock up on everyone's favorite beer and cheap wine.  And these little gifts that are given to each of the guests - isn't it enough just to invite the person? And why does everyone need a formal invitation? I'd rather send out emails.  Email is free.   Eh.  My future mother and father in laws like to go all out with all the designer clothing and expensive food and caterers dressed in fancy suits. Psh. If they want that, they're gunna pay for it, not me. 'Cause my parents ain't helpin' and Im in debt.

In the ten months that John and I have been together, I sent him an angry text last night for the first time ever.  Later on I felt really bad about it - it doesn't matter that I had every reason to be upset.  Writing angry texts is unacceptable.  So this morning I texted him saying, "Sorry for being cranky last night  :-(  "  Wondering why he never replied, I double checked my phone and realized I sent the text to my mom instead! lol.

Oh. my. gosh.  Tomorrow Im gunna be in LA!

My number one worry is that something goes wrong during the travel - what if my car breaks down on the way to the airport? What if theres some random problem with my itenarary?  What if my first flight is delayed and Im late for my second flight?  And what if I get stuck sitting next to the worst person in the world?

From start to finish, though, its gunna be almost 15 HOURS of traveling - including driving to and from the airport, both flights, and the layover.  :-(

I'm really trying to get out of debt. And the day that day comes, I think Im gunna go out and celebrate. But I feel like I have a better handle on my finances now.  ....at least for the time being. Its just confusing because at the moment, I have THREE bank accounts. (Im canceling two next month, however).  Im also learning the importance of writing down EVERYTHING.   I'm also going to stop using my debit card for silly little purchases - its too easy to lose track of how much Im really spending.  ......I feel better already.  :-)

I swear, sometimes, my boyfriend drives me nuts.  .....I love him. .....but he drives me nuts.

I signed up for Bank of America today.  Up to this point Ive been using a local bank in Massachusetts, but I'm not gunna drive two hours to make a deposit.   Neat thing is, my debit card will have my photo on it for added security, AND it has a Red Sox logo/background on it!  The guy suggested I get a Patriots logo, to which I responded, "Oh, my boyfriend would KILL me."  'Cause in John's mind, the New England Patriots are quite possibly more evil than the devil.  :-)

I am THIS close to ending my contract with Verizon.  Last month, they screwed up my bill - the lady on the phone even ADMITTED they screwed up my bill and they insisted they couldnt do anything about it.  So, last month, I paid $180-something dollars for something that honestly wasn't my fault.  Now this month, they are saying I owe them $231.  I haven't even used up all my minutes, and just 3 weeks ago I had a zero balance.  If they screw me over this month then I not even gunna think twice about dropping them for good.

I was just at the liquor store to get some beer when I saw a drink I'd never heard of:  "Green Monsta Ale."  I suppose that would only be hilarious to Bostonians or people from the area.  The Green Monsta is the left field wall at Fenway Park where the Red Sox play and is actually quite popular.  Apparently tomorrow is Beer Fest, so the guy at the store said I could come back tomorrow for a free sample of this ale.  Mmmm.   I just might do that.  :-)

For the longest time, I have bragged about Verizon and their awesomeness.  But for a couple weeks now, I have been thinking about switching to Cingular/ AT&T.    Why?  My phone bill this month SHOULD have been around 60 bucks. But instead it read $231.16!   I called them up and they admitted they made a mistake and said that they MIGHT be able to knock off $121 or so. But they are also claiming I missed  a payment.  .....I dont miss payments.  I dont.  In the 3 years that I have been paying my own phone bill, I have been late on a payment once, and only by a few days. If Verizon screws me over, then Im sorry.... I may end up switching providers.

At 1:30am, Monica sent me a text saying how excited she was that I would be moving in.

........she didn't get my email saying that I was turning the offer down.

Wow.....excuse the language but I feel like shit.  I just let someone down majorly.  They were counting on ME for this months rent.  Guess I let them down.